“Dubs for Dummies”

By “Farkel”


Dear Brothers and Sisters in the Worldwide Brotherhood of Jehovah’s Witnesses™,
     There has been much public interest in our beliefs lately, so we
have prepared a very brief summary of our core beliefs in a new pamphlet
which you may offer to interested persons. Hopefully, this pamphlet will
generate enough interest with honest-hearted people and enable you to
start many new Bible studies. Please remember to occasionally use the
Bible for reference in those studies, but also remember the Biblical
counsel on moderation in all things.
     The Faithful and Discreet Slave CLASS through careful prayer and
consideration has come up with a title for this pamphlet that will
surely generate interest and curiosity. We have entitled it
“Dubs For Dummies.”
     To the worldwide body of elders: for instructions on how to distribute
this pamphlet in field service work and informally, please refer to
Watchtower Directive AU-474-392-17, page 17, sub-section 9, paragraph 14.
Make sure the congregation follows these instructions exactly as written.
We offer our warmest Christian regards,

Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, INC.


Dubs for Dummies

If you are an honest-hearted person who is interested in knowing more about the Bible and its wonderful provisions for mankind, we ask you to please consider the beliefs of Jehovah’s Witnesses. We are confident that once you do, you will see that Jehovah’s Witnesses are endeavoring to follow the Bible as our Creator wants us to do. You may have heard about Jehovah’s Witnesses, but also may not know what we believe and practice. We encourage you to take a few minutes and review this brief summary of our main beliefs:

We do not celebrate birthdays because we believe life is sacred and we do not want to put ourselves at risk getting beheaded, as so commonly happens at such gatherings.

We only have one celebration a year. This is the celebration of the Lord’s Evening Meal, held on Nissan 300ZX-turbo of each year. To prepare for this grand celebration, our congregations around the world purchase approximately 80,000 bottles of wine and then assemble together in our Kingdom Halls. No one is allowed to smile at this celebration because it is a “serious celebration.” At the meeting, we fill up glasses with wine, and pass them around so that everyone can look at those glasses of wine. After everyone has had a chance to look at those glasses of wine, the celebration concludes with a prayer. You might be wondering what happens to these 80,000 bottles of wine that everyone had to look at. Well, it is customary to end the evening by purchasing another 2 MILLION bottles of wine and drinking all that wine in various gatherings after the celebration of the Lord’s Evening Meal.

Jehovah’s Witnesses are the only True Christians™ and some day may actually write a book using the name “Jesus” or “Christ” in its title.

We believe that every prophecy in the Bible has a greater fulfillment in our modern day, and that every prophet in the Bible pictured an even greater prophet in our day. Every single one of the good Bible prophecies and all the good prophets in the Bible are fulfilled in and by us and those who govern us. All the bad prophecies and bad prophets apply to everyone else. Jehovah’s Witnesses are a humble people.

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